The Cell

The Cell

Cohabitation Collection – The Cell

Details: Stache owned. Both had seen.

Stache’s Take & Rating: 

The first time I saw The Cell I was thinking “Damn, it’s like a full length movie of REM’s ‘Losing My Religion’ video.” And then I learned that Tarsem Singh was the director of them both, so… that makes a hell of a lot of sense now doesn’t it. This was a cinematic breath of fresh air when it came out. There were a lot of ‘psychological thrillers’ that had come out back in the mid-to-late nineties. Most seemingly always featuring some combination of Ashley Judd or Richard Gere. But what The Cell brought in was a sense of visual panache. A look unlike any of the other flicks out.

The story is great, the visuals are incredible, Vince Vaughn is great, Vincent D’Onofrio is even better, and Jennifer Lopez is actually tolerable. And what really surprised me about The Cell this time around was how well the visuals played out. There were a couple CGI effects that looked pretty rudimentary compared to todays standards, but there was enough in-camera tricks and set-design that held it together. The horse-slicing scene still blows me away every time.

Stache’s Take: Dave Wanndstedt Stache***

Stiletto’s Take & Rating:

The Cell is awesome. There, I’ve said it. Great 90′s movie. I was completely taken by the imagery in the movie all over again and I’ve seen it several times.

While Jennifer Lopez is a little hokey overall as an actress, I still have typically enjoyed most movies she is in. This is by far the best.

Vince…. oh, young Vince Vaughn. Let me count the ways. Need I say more?

I had a great time watching The Cell this time around while reading the back story of the various scenes, the art pieces portrayed, inspiration etc. The Cell definitely is interesting on the eyes if nothing else. Seems like each time I’ve watched this movie, I’ve noticed something different.

Can’t wait to watch The Cell again… in like 5 years.

Stiletto’s Take: 4-inch heels *****

Average Guy/Girl Rating: ***1/2

“C-Movie Quick Fire” Review

Our Cohabitation Collection quickly began to stack up on us, so we decided to do a “C-Movie Quick Fire” post.  The movies, all Comedies, were Cabin Boy, Cable Guy, and Caddyshack. Like to hear  it? Here it go!

Cabin Boy

Stache’s Take & Rating: 

You either love Chris Elliott, or you can’t stand him. I’m grateful that I get him, and he infinitely amuses me. Late Night with David Letterman helped establish his comedic voice, but it was really Get A Life, the sadly short-lived sit-com in the early-90′s, that created the full persona of Chris Elliott. His character is typically ignorant, naive, but ultimately lovable. And that is who his character Nathanial Mayweather is in Cabin Boy. This fancy lad endears himself not only to the scurvy crew of the “Filthy Whore” but to us as well.

Completely ridiculous plot? Hilariously bad sets? All true. But we get some awesome characters from James Gammon, Brian Doyle-Murphy and Andy Richter. Solid cameos from Ricki Lake and David Letterman round out this campy gem.

Anyway, I tend to think those who appreciate Chris Elliott have a higher comedic IQ.
***

Stiletto’s Take & Rating:

Chris Elliott movies are terrible. Not funny, stupid cheesy, no excuse for making them ever, terrible. *

Cable Guy

Stiletto’s Take & Rating:

Cable Guy is classic college flick, hilarious, quote-worthy movie. Love every minute of it. Gets funnier every time I watch it. *****

Stache’s Take & Rating: 

I have to be honest. The novelty of Jim Carrey has definitely worn thin for me over the years. Ace Ventura and Dumb & Dumber are both classics. But a lot of the following films just started feeling repetitive. And the more dramatic bent pieces usually felt self-indulgent to me, outside of Truman Show (still mildly self-indulgent) and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (solid flick). So when Cable Guy popped up I wasn’t exactly thrilled about having to sit through it.

However, this actually held up pretty well. I was pleasantly surprised to really enjoy it. And while we still get some of the now-cliche Jim Carrey elements, we got him being the foil instead of the reluctant (or incompetent) hero. And Matthew Broderick plays the straight man like no other can, so it’s a good duo. I still think I’d have enjoyed it even more if I was a high school junior, half-drunk off Icehouse. At least if I remember correctly from the first time I saw it….
***

Caddyshack

Stiletto’s Take & Rating:

I’m certain this movie used to be funny, I just know it. But it just wasn’t. Sorry Bill Murray. *

Stache’s Take & Rating: 

Chevy Chase. Bill Murray. Rodney Dangerfield. All in their prime.
That’s pretty much all I need to say. *****

Brokedown Palace

Cohabitation Collection – Brokedown Palace

Details: Stiletto owned. Stache had not seen.

Stache’s Review:

This movie starts off with a cassette (!!!) recording from Clair Danes in prison. She says “You’re probably already fast forwarding this.” And she’s right. I should have been. This movie has a few things against it. Claire Danes. A chunky Kate Beckinsale. And a whole lot more of Claire Danes.

I don’t know what it is about Claire Danes. She just seems boring. She seems like a chick that would be hanging out in the middle of your math class in high school. You kinda remember her name. You know she gets decent grades, but she’s not really into much else. Maybe she’s on the yearbook staff?  Anyway, boring Claire Danes plays the ‘wild one’ in this flick, so obviously it’s really hard to believe. Then the crazy, selfish wild one takes it for the team and opts in to Thai prison. Even harder to believe.

Even the soundtrack, which I’m sure was taking the bent of being 90′s uber-hip, is boring. Nelly Furtado, Tricky & DJ Muggs, PJ Harvey… not a single memorable track. They all just blended into mild world-music with a tinge of lesbian.

Anyway, for a thai-prison, drug smuggling, chick trip flick, this pretty much blows.

Rating: Hitler Stache*

Stiletto’s Review:

I love this movie. I love the soundtrack. I love the dynamic between Kate Beckinsale and Claire Danes. It might be a true story or something, so I like it more because of that. If it’s not, don’t ruin it for me.  True, it’s definitely got a flavor of 1990′s. But it’s also an interesting storyline with coming of age, lust, lies, drugs, and friendship truths.  Plus you get to see behind the scenes of a Thai prison.

By the way, I’m absolutely certain that Kate Beckinsale never looked back at Claire Danes once she got out.

Rating: Really sassy, Tom’s (non-existent) heels ****

Average Guy/Girl Rating: **

The Big Lebowski

Cohabitation Collection – The Big Lebowski

Details: Stache owned. Both had seen.

Stache’s Review:

One of the classic comedies of all time. I feel I can honestly say that. In college this was probably watched once a week. And, like any good college movie, this was quoted ad nauseum. So I will review this film through quotes.

THE STRANGER: But sometimes there’s a man, sometimes, there’s a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But… aw, hell.

Sam Elliott’s intro helps set the stage, not just introducing the setting (LA) and the hero (The Dude), but also the narrative style comprised of random asides and meandering thoughts. There are very few dialogues in this film that have one character speaking to another, where both are clear on the conversation. Everyone is either lying or they are confused. Sometimes both. And that makes sense, as this movie is a classic “who done it.” But unlike most where all the characters have their stories straight and are on top of their shit, The Big Lebowski features a cast of characters that are the complete opposite.

THE DUDE: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. You’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

This quote highlights my favorite thing about The Dude. Throughout all of the conflicts of the film, he remains true to himself and his concerns. It’s all bowling, white russians and his carpet. There is no cathartic moment. He will continue being The Dude.

WALTER SOBCHACK: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT… Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

John Goodman is fantastic in this flick. And I pulled this quote because it illustrates his character to a T. Walter is a man who lives by rules. They just happen to be his own and could be seen as skewed. He’s more than fine carrying a concealed machine gun, but reacts harshly (to say the least) when another bowler steps over the line (literally, a line).

There are so many other good characters, and quotes, I could go on. For comedies, this is the Coen Brothers masterpiece. And they do what they do best. Write remarkable dialogue and direct a complete cast. There isn’t a single character that isn’t developed to the extent their role requires.

And with that, go watch this again, soon. I leave you with this. Another quote that wraps up the whole film.

WALTER SOBCHAK: Well, there isn’t a literal connection, Dude.
THE DUDE: Walter, face it, there isn’t any connection.

Stache’s Take: Sam Elliott Stache (appropriate) *****

Stiletto’s Review:

It had been quite some time since I watched The Big Lebowski. Every time I see this movie, I forget how funny it is.  Jeff Bridges is great as The Dude. I love John Goodman, probably my favorite character in this movie.

The story line revolves around a case of mistaken identity. Easy enough. But with lots of twists, turns, bowling, and bath robes.

The cult following surrounding this movie is incredible. It has to be stoners mainly. I’ve been dying to go to the Lebowski Fest for a long time. It even came to Las Vegas and I missed it. No matter, I would have felt extremely under-schooled on the subject.

Anywho, if you haven’t seen The Big Lebowski check it out. If you have, dust it off for an awesome movie night and mentally relive college.

Stiletto’s Take: Bowling Shoes with Heels (those are probably really awful looking, dude) *****

Average Guy/Girl Rating: *****

Boogie Nights

Cohabitation Collection – Boogie Nights

Details: Stiletto owned, both had seen

Stiletto’s Review:

I  heart this movie so much. From the first time I saw it, to now, it almost gets better each time.

Boogie Nights shows the rise and fall of the adult movie industry through Mark Wahlberg’s career and his colorful colleagues. And they are some great colleagues too…. Heather Graham, Julianne Moore, Burt Reynolds, John C. Reilly, William H. Macy…. just to scratch the surface.  The cast’s interactions together are gold. Too young, too rich, too stupid, too dependent, too well-endowed….

Also to note, an amazing soundtrack. And extremely well-timed soundtrack.  This one and Almost Famous? Great stuff.

If you haven’t seen this movie, watch it. If you have seen this movie, watch it again.

Stiletto Rating: ***** 5-inch heels… maybe even roller skates??

Stache’s Review:

The right cast. The right director. I think this combination could’ve succeeded with really any script or setting. It just so happens this is about the LA valley porn scene in the 70′s.

A huge cast comes in and out of this story, and Paul Thomas Anderson directs them magnificently. Size does not matter for the roles in Boogie Nights. Everyone has a backstory, and that adds loads of richness to the film.

Basketball Diaries and Fear had already established Marky Mark as a legitimate actor, but Boogie Nights displayed his immense talent. He manages to both embody the epitome of sex depicted in the film, but also completely demystifies it. This isn’t a movie about sex, but rather about the people’s lives outside of that job they fill.

John C. Reilly, Don Cheadle, Heather Graham, William H. Macy, Julianne Moore, Luis Guzman, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Thomas Jane… that’s quite the gang that gets in on the action. But nobody stands apart more than Burt Ryenolds, the porn patriarch. No moment stands out more than when he’s in the back of the limo ‘MC-ing’ some video action with Rollergirl and a random off the street. As things go wrong we see his character, Jack Horner, realizing on camera how the entire industry is heading south.

And ultimately that’s what this film is about. The rise and fall of the characters and the industry. The highs extremely high. The lows, cringe-worthy. The film holds up, and has actually aged better. We know some of these actors even more now than we did then. And they still shine like a star. A star. A star. A big, bright shining star.

Stache’s Rating: ***** Sam Elliott Stache (or a rock solid John Holmes stache)

Average Guy/Girl Rating: *****

Blazing Saddles

Cohabitation Collection – Blazing Saddles

Details: Stache owned. Both had seen.

Stiletto’s Review:

I had seen this movie a couple times, can’t even remember when… high school maybe.  This over-the-top, inappropriate 1974 Western spoof is pretty timeless.

The premise of the movie is a black man is chosen as a ploy to be a sheriff and ruin a Western town. The characters are great… Bart the Sheriff is hilarious. He plays the part perfectly. Gene Wilder is a totally believable town drunk and crazy friend to Bart.

Watching this movie really reminds you how crazy and narrow-minded racism is.  The townspeople are depicted completely shallow and asinine really driving home the ignorance message.

If you’re looking for a classic (and a little crass) comedy, Blazing Saddles is it!

Stiletto’s Take: Old Gringo cowboy boots ****

Stache’s Review:

I don’t have a top 5 movies of all time, that’s just too crazy difficult to compile. But, I do have a top 5 Western movies of all time. And this is firmly in that list. I also have a top 5 Comedies of all time. And this lands in there as well.

So needless to say, I love this movie.

As far as I’m concerned, this is Mel Brook’s finest film. He just nails every aspect. The casting is spot on. Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder, Slim Pickens, Harvey Korman…. The dialogue is right on. And all the turns are perfect. (The direct lines to camera, breaking the third wall at the end of the movie.)

There are so many funny lines, that every time I watch it’s almost as if I’m surprised it’s that funny. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Stiletto laughed just as much as I did, but it was cute to see her enjoy the movie all over again.

The only bad, or sad, thing about this movie is that Cleavon Little never followed up what he did in this movie. A handful of B-movies and TV show appearances and that’s it. This is a topic I need to do more research into. What prevented him from attaining even higher stardom?

If I have any suggestion for you, movie-wise at least, it’s watch this again soon.

Stache’s Take: (appropriately) Sam Elliott Stache *****

Average Guy/Girl Rating: ****1/2

Blair Witch Project

Cohabitation Collection – Blair Witch Project

Details: Stache owned. Both had seen.

Stiletto’s Review:

I saw this movie in the movie theater in 1999. It was pretty awful then. It’s still holds up as awful now.  The acting is terrible… and I read that some of the scared reactions were real from the cast, which means they are just generally over-amplified, drama queens.

I really like the idea of this horror movie. Film students try to track down info on an urban legend, get lost, and then become part of the myth. Low budget, shot in 8 days. But the characters come off as lame, emo kids and the storyline comes off hokey.  I mean, the film students wake up scared to death of some rock piles and sticks….

Lame in 1999. Lame in 2012.

Stiletto’s Take: Sad, emo combat boots *

Stache’s Review:

Despite it’s flaws, this movie was still a breakthrough at the time. Low-budget horror flick that cashes in huge? That’s just a standard now, but back then it wasn’t. Especially breaking traditional horror flick cliches. This was raw, both from necessity (budget), and purposefully (adding realism to a genre that was getting cartoon-y).

Reviewing it now doesn’t allow for those attributes to be fresh. What Blair Witch did, has since been repeated over and over. But, back in 1999, this was fresh. And that’s why, again despite it’s flaws, it remains an important part of American cinema.

So that justifies why this film may not seem to hold up to today’s standards. But I can’t justify the mediocre acting. It was pretty painful to watch again.

I do appreciate the techniques and tricks the filmmakers used to get the reactions they wanted. Do yourself a favor and check out the trivia on IMDB. Stiletto was reading through as we were watching and it added another dimension to the film. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0185937/trivia

So yeah…. this one doesn’t age well. But I’ll give it a little bump for being a trailblazer.

Stache’s Take: Bad 90′s back-woods stache **

Average Guy/Girl Rating: *1/2